For A Momma's Heart

Why You Don’t Need To Clean Before Inviting Me Over


Last week I had my good friend and her boys over for a play date. What I love about getting together with her is that there’s freedom to be real. I didn’t race around my house minutes before she came to make it look presentable. I didn’t attempt to create the allusion that I had time to do my hair. Instead, this is how it went down.

I greeted her with sopping wet hair. I was wearing yoga pants and carrying my twin girls in their bath towels who had decided to jump in the shower with me minutes earlier. The breakfast dishes were barely cleaned up and the toys were already covering the floor for the day.

And the best part? She didn’t care. Because she gets it. She gets that sleep was probably interrupted the night before and that I chose to rest a few extra minutes instead of waking up early to dry and curl my hair. She gets that showering alone sometimes isn’t an option and that I had to drag the kids along just so I could wash myself. She gets that dishes are never ending and there’s no such thing as all the toys being put away. She gets it all.

She understands that more than anything, what I need during this season isn’t the stress of preparing for a get together, but that I need to know I’m not alone. So she continually meets me where I’m at.

We chat about the good, the bad, and the unknown, while our kids run wild and destroy the house. We pretend not to notice it. Because honestly? We’re willing to sacrifice just about anything, including a controlled environment, for a couple hours of adult conversation.

When one kid dumps an entire bag of cereal on the table and the next one throws it all over the floor, we laugh and enjoy the chaos. Then, she grabs the broom while holding my baby and starts sweeping it up.

She meets me in my mess. Time and time again.

My hope for all of us is that we’d pursue friendships in our messes. That we wouldn’t wait to reach out until we have it all together. When you welcome someone over to your dirty house, I guarantee it’ll make that friend feel even more loved to know you trust her with your real life stuff.

The truth is, none of us live in a perfect house with a white picket fence. There’s always more to the story, and there’s nothing better than to let someone in to YOUR story. That’s where life gets rich, it’s where we learn that we were placed on this earth to bring light into each other’s darkness.

You are loved today, friend. Even in your messiest darkest hour, you are worthy of love.




I share many more “real life” mom moments on Facebook and Instagram. I’d love for you to follow along on our crazy, not perfect, incredible journey. Follow me on Instagram: (@ambermkuiper) and on Facebook (Mommy’s Me Time).

Share Button


  1. I wish I had a friend like that! Thank you for sharing this and all your posts about mommy challenges and messes I can so relate to.

  2. Oh my goodness, YES, yes, yes! This post is everything! 🙂 I have a couple of friends who I feel a comfort level like this with and it is amazing… I wish I felt the same way with ALL of my friends, but when I go to their house and their house is spotless and they state “ugh ignore the mess” I feel inadequate… I don’t know why people have to put on a facade. My house is RARELY clean, and if it is when you come over you can rest assured it wasn’t for your sake 😉

    I say this and I only have one kid… I can’t even imagine four!

    I am a new reader/follower, I found you on the blogher site and I’m really looking forward to following along since browsing some of your past posts 🙂 xo


  3. I love having friends like this. Funny I read your post after I just finished cleaning my house from top to bottom in anticipation of hosting a mom’s wine night at my house. We get together monthly, but since I have been sick so much this year, I have only attended one. I am totally nervous about having some people I have never met before, or only once or twice….even though they are all moms I want my house to look perfect. Damn you, Pinterest, for making me come up with some special cocktail for tonight instead of just busting out a jug of wine!

  4. I found you via my friend Tawnya’s latest post!

    I LOVE THIS! I rarely have a clean house and I will not put on this big huge act when my friends come over. They should get it. We both work full time, with toddlers, pets and real life.

    I can’t wait to follow along with you more!

  5. Love it! i wish i woudnt care as much about cening house before someone comes. I have a second daughter fussy eater 13 months old and i call her messy Jessie lol the food is everywhere on the foor and i cant keep up with the broom all the time. if my neghbours woud step in who never had kids what they would think?.. but if mothers would come would get it? depends who..

  6. This is such a great post and I love that you have a friend like that. Some people don’t even have family members like that but it’s so important to just have someone who understands the human side of life. A clean house isn’t always (or usually) the priority.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.Required fields are marked *