What Raising A Boy Is Teaching Me About Loving My Husband

IMG_1540Two and a half years ago I had my first baby. My sweet boy quickly became my world. He consumed my time and filled almost every thought. That tiny babe was so sweet and perfect and handsome and every time I looked at him I couldn’t believe that I was chosen to be his mommy. I was the one who got to attend to his every need. He depended on me for everything and I LOVED IT.

That baby has now grown into a spunky little boy who is curious and busy and discovering that it’s a lot of fun to be independent. He now wants to climb in the car and buckle himself in, and yells “No mommy!” when I try to help him. He wants to peel his own bananas and unwrap his own suckers. And heaven forbid if I put the sticker on his potty chart. “Stop it! I do it, momma!”

During those moments it hits me that he’s growing up, and that this precious time I have with him is fleeting. But just when I want to go cry in a corner, I hear his voice desperately yell, “HELP! HELP! HELP!” and my sappiness subsides because I’ve been reminded that he’s only two and will actually still need me for quite some time.

And then there are the times I wish he’d grow up just a little quicker. The other day it had been a bear of a morning. He was acting like a typical two year old, stealing toys from his sisters, throwing a tantrum when I asked him to finish his breakfast, chasing the dog with the vacuum, and peeing all over my patio basil plant which I’d been planning to make pesto with that night. He’d put in a full day’s work by 10am. I was frustrated and my patience had worn thin. After he calmed down a bit, I took him upstairs to our room and set him up with a video so I could have a few minutes to salvage my disastrous house [and my sanity].

A few minutes later I went back to check on him, and what I saw stopped me in my tracks. There he was, sitting on the bed squeezing his teddy bear with a look of complete innocence in his eyes. I don’t think there are many things sweeter than seeing a little boy with his teddy. It’s an instant reminder that while they are “all boy” and perfectly rambunctious, determined, and strong-willed, they also have a tender heart that needs to be protected and longs to be loved. When I saw a glimpse of into son’s little heart that morning, all I could do was scoop him up, give him a big hug, kiss him, and tell him how much I love him.

I held him close and thought about how I don’t want a moment of his life to go by without him feeling unconditionally loved. No matter how he acts or what he goes through, I want his heart to be taken care of.

My mind often thinks forward to his future and the fact that I won’t always be the only woman in his life. Someday I’ll entrust that responsibility to a girl who will become his forever love.

In that moment, as I held my sweet boy close, I thought of my husband, who was once a little boy like him. I thought about how he too, started out hugging teddy bears. I thought about his heart, now as a grown man, and how it still needs to be loved and protected. Then I thought about how real life has its grip on him. I thought about him gearing up to go out into the big world day after day, so he can provide for our family. I thought about him having difficult conversations and navigating through intense meetings. I thought about the constant pressure he faces to perform and achieve and how he’s required to beam confidence through it all. But yet at the end of the day, underneath it all there’s still a tender heart yearning to be taken care of.IMG_0397I want home to be a place of refuge for my dear husband. When we see each other after a long day, instead of habitually greeting him by passing off a crabby kid, I need to remember to really take time to look into his eyes and tell him how grateful I am for him and what a great job he does taking care of us. When he’s stressed after a long day, I need to remember that he’s worked just as hard as I have and needs a break too. When he does something that annoys me to the core, I need to respond with patience. When we have arguments, I need to set my pride aside so I can understand where he’s coming from. And even though I’m exhausted most of the time from chasing around the kids, I need to pursue him frequently and prioritize intimacy.

More than anything, I want to remember that I’ve been entrusted with his grown up boy’s heart. I’m the one who gets to see him when he’s vulnerable. I’m the one who needs to recognize those moments, stop in my tracks, hold him close, kiss him, and tell him how much he’s loved.

I get to be the one. I’m his forever love, and as we grow old together, I don’t want a moment of his life to go by without him feeling unconditionally loved.

XOXO,

Amber

I share many more “real life” mom moments on Facebook and Instagram. I’d love for you to follow us along on our crazy, not perfect, incredible journey. Follow me on Instagram: (@amberkuiper) and on Facebook (Mommy’s Me Time).

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Comments

  1. Rachel Nuckolls says

    What a perfect reminder. This brought tears to my eyes as I was quickly reminded of how blessed I am to have such a wonderful man taking care of me and our twin girls. In all my exhaustion from taking care of the girls all day I forget about what his day maybe like, the responsibilities he has there in addition to his responsibilities he has when he comes home. I’ve always known how blessed I am that he’s my husband, my “forever love”, but this was a much needed reminder for me. :)

    • MommysMeTime says

      Hi Rachel! I know, it is so easy to put our husbands last after we’ve had a full day of caring for our kids. Thank goodness our husbands give us grace and understand! Here’s to pursuing them this week and giving them a little extra love! :)

  2. says

    You had me in tears with this one. How easy it is to forget that our husbands used to be those little boys! And what a special blessing that we are chosen to be the one for him now! What a beautiful way of looking at it and reminding us of the gift we have in our husbands! Thank you :)

    • MommysMeTime says

      Hi Amanda! Thank you for your sweet words! We truly are blessed to get to be the ones who love our husbands now! :) Thank you for your encouragement!

  3. Sarah Dale says

    Thanks for sharing. We have 6 little boys! And 3 girls. My husband is an over the road truck driver, he was abused as a child. He was put into foster care at a very young age. He was never loved the way he should have been. You have opened my eyes, that I need to protect my boys hearts and my husbands heart too! Thanks again for sharing! I am a changed for the better because of this!

    • MommysMeTime says

      Hi Sarah! WOW! I am truly amazed by you! What a blessing to have so many little boys AND girls! I’m thinking the Lord gave you those little ones for a reason – those boys are going to grow up to be men who lead their families well and know how to love their wives! Thank you for your encouraging words – you are an amazing mom!

  4. Nathasha says

    Hello dear, i’m in tears as I read this post from Brazil (sorry if my English is not ok)! I have 20 months twins boys, and I am pregnant with another one, due next October. I loved the way you described you toddler and this happens to me All the time too!! I am absolutelly fascinated with my boys and that made me realize that my husband is just a grown up version of them and that made me Love him even more, just the way you described! Thank you for your words! It has melted my hear! Hugs from a brazilian reader! Nathasha.

    • MommysMeTime says

      Hi Nathasha! Thank you for your sweet words from Brazil! Congratulations on your new addition coming soon! They are so blessed to have a mom who understands how important it is to protect their little hearts! You are a blessing and encouragement to me! Hugs to you, friend! :)

  5. says

    What a beautiful post! It is so important to remember that your husband is your partner and not just another “thing” you have to deal with. All too often marriages fall apart because husband and wife turn into mom and dad and don’t take the time to love each other apart from loving their children. Thank you for sharing!

    • MommysMeTime says

      Hi Christy! That is so true…our husbands can’t turn into just another “thing” as easy as it is to let that happen. They deserve more, and our kids deserve more! Thank you for your encouragement and taking the time to write – you are a blessing!

  6. says

    Beautiful post. It brought tears to my eyes! Well written and all so true – I couldn’t agree more with you. I have a 15 month old little boy that is turning more into a true little boy (and less of a baby) with every passing day. The moments that he cuddles up to me and depends on me is such a heart warming feeling. And then relating it to my husband … what a great reminder. Thank you for this!

    • MommysMeTime says

      Hi Ashley! Thank you for your sweet comment and encouraging words. As our babies turn into little boys it has a way of making me even more emotional when I think about them growing into little men! And then how important it is to love our husbands and making sure they know how wonderful they are – not always easy when we’re busy with a million other things, but so important! Thank you again! :)

  7. says

    This is absolutely gorgeous! It’s so easy to forget that our husbands were once little boys. I needed this reminder to treasure my mans boyish heart.

    • MommysMeTime says

      Hi Lexy! Thank you for taking the time to comment. I need this constant reminder too! Blessings to you!

  8. joy says

    Thank you for the reminder! My son is now 7 and ALL independent boy… except when suddenly he’s not. :-) Both he and his daddy, my hubby, have those curl-up-and-please-cuddle moments that I actively remember to treasure. Put down the laundry basket & the dirty dishes, and ignore what a mess the muddy puddle-hopping will create. Instead, I put on my rain boots and go outside to join them! Life is too short to focus on mundane tasks. They will keep until after bedtime snuggles.

    I remember the dichotomy of wanting him to be more independent but wishing he would stay tiny forever. And I’m starting to realize that though he’s not a baby anymore, he will always be MY baby. And the needs may change but he will always need his Mama, if only to hear “I’m still listening/watching! Go play and have fun!” from the other end of the phone line. ‘Cuz really, that’s the comfort he will always crave because it means “I love you.” ♡

    • MommysMeTime says

      Hi Joy! I love hearing your heart and how you embrace the spontaneous moments with your boys! You are such a wonderful mom and an inspiration to me to remember to do the same! I also love what you said about them always needing us as their mama, even when its in a different capacity. So beautiful! Thank you!

  9. Kailee says

    Maybe it’s because I’m 6 months pregnant with our second son, there’s an 18 month old down for a nap upstairs and my hubby playing a video game on the couch next to me on his last day off… But this post has me bawling!!
    I know exactly what you mean!! I have this feeling all the time. So lucky to have to husband I have, and the darling boy he gave me. Life couldn’t be any sweeter :)

    • MommysMeTime says

      Hi Kailee! I totally get those preggo emotions! I’m like a constant tear fest of over here! You’re right, life couldn’t be any sweeter with the men God has given us! :) Thank you for your encouragement!

  10. Jeff says

    You nailed it.

    First – I’m 53 and my mother passed a few years ago. I miss her terribly all of the time. I wish I could talk to her and seek her wisdom, while sharing new things in my life. So don’t worry that your boys won’t “need” you. They will always, even after you are gone.

    Second – I wish my ex understood what you articulated. It may be wise to revisit your writing every year to keep your family life in a balanced perspective.

    • MommysMeTime says

      Hi Jeff – thank you so much for taking the time to share your perspective. It’s so special to hear a grown man talk about his love for his mother – I’m sorry to hear she’s gone, but so glad to know that her sweet memory lives on in your heart.

      I’m also sorry your ex didn’t get this. It’s so easy to forget, and such a great reminder for me to keep pursuing my husband! Thanks again for your encouragement!

  11. says

    You have hit a tender, favorite spot in my heart. My husband & I just had our 40th Anniversary. I have 4 grown sons & a father-in-law who lives with us. He’s 92 & has dementia. My sons are my best supporters & best loves. We all always greet with hugs & call each other often (nation-wide). All my men are spiritual heroes to me & I need their love every day. The miles apart are hard but I have shifted to care for a sweet Dad-in-law who never had any daughters, just 5 sons. We have a great love for each other & I treasure all my moments with my Mr. Amazing. He is a real miracle in my life. Hold those little ones tight! Thanks a bunch!

    • MommysMeTime says

      Hi Vee! Wow, what a blessing it is to read and learn about your loving family! My goodness, you are blessed to have such a special relationship with them! You must have done an incredible job fostering that while you raised them. You are an inspiration to me, and I will think of you when I’m in the thick of it, knowing that the hard work will reap great rewards! Blessings to you! Thank you for the encouragement!

  12. says

    What a beautiful post. Even though my son is 9, I still see moments of vulnerability from him where he really needs his mom, and it always melts my heart!

    • MommysMeTime says

      Thank you for your sweet comment! It’s so helpful to know that even as my boys get bigger they’ll still have those tender moments when they want their momma! :)

  13. Koryn @ High Heels & Healthy Alternatives says

    Oh my, this really brought to my eyes! What a wonderful reminder! I can DEF. relate since having my first child – a boy – 5 months ago. LOVELY POST! I even shared it with my husband! Thanks for this post! :)

    • MommysMeTime says

      Hi Koryn! Thank you for the sweet note! Congratulations your sweet boy! Being a boy mom is wonderful! :) Hugs to you!

  14. Christine Zachrich says

    I’ve been following your blog for about a month now and can’t get enought! It is posts like these that make me realize that we moms are all going through the same things and have similar thoughts like “oh my gosh, he’s growing up so fast!” I have two sons, one just turned 3 and a 4.5 month year old. I feel like my 3 yr old grew up over night after Dylan came into our lives. I am also reminded daily of the important relationship that my husband has developed with our oldest as he is typically turned into a jungle gym while I am breastfeeding. My heart is filled with love and joy as I watch my husband have a special bond with our sons, that only a father will know.

  15. Miranda says

    This is my favorite blog yet! I have a little boy who is 5 months old and I’m already amazed at how much more I appreciate my husband and all he does for me, and our family. Thanks for writing this great piece!

  16. Diana says

    Amber,

    I just wanted to say thankyou for your stunning words about raising your little Boy that is some little Princess out there’s HANDPICKED PRINCE it TRUELY is seeing the bigger picture of raising our Sons. And how our Husbands were once a Little boy I just love it…….it brings everything back into perspective that we Princesses have been given such treasure on this earth to cherish our husbands and children.

    Bless you abundantly Princess.

    • MommysMeTime says

      Hi Diana! Thank you so much for your sweet comment! We really have been given such a gift in our husbands and children. Cherishing the blessings God gives us makes life so much more full! Blessings to you too!

  17. Alicia says

    This was beautiful. We own our own business. My husband is stressed all the time. I try to listen and be that safe place. But when it’s the same complaints and the same stress day after day, it’s hard to be patient and listen. Thank you for that reminder.

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