Jake and I have spent a lot of time talking about how to prioritize our marriage in the midst of raising a family. When we found out we were pregnant, we started to come up with a game plan as to how we would continue to make time for each other. We made a pact that we would never settle for simply becoming platonic roommates. At that point, however, everything was hypothetical, since neither of us had a clue as to how a precious babe would change our world.
Shortly after Baylen was born, reality set in and we quickly learned that prioritizing our marriage was going to take a lot of intentionality. I remember those early weeks of little sleep, just longing for one night when Jake could hold me all night long like he used to. For our family, our strategy became how we could welcome Baylen into our existing family structure instead of completely turning our world upside down for him. As soon as he was old enough to sleep train we implemented things like an early bedtime not only because it was recommended by the doctor, but also because it allows Jake and I to have alone time at night to reconnect. We so cherish our nights together, even if it’s just watching shows on our DVR or playing a game together. Being able to take off the mommy hat for a few hours and just be Jake’s wife is incredibly refreshing. However, as much as I like to be structured and rely on schedules, the reality is that you can’t control or anticipate how much time it takes to raise kids. Just when I think we’re in a good groove, Baylen will start working on another tooth and won’t sleep well for a week or two. Or he’ll have a random dirty diaper in the middle of the night that he is NOT okay being in until morning, thus resulting in our focus being taken away from one another.
For this reason, when Jake and I are feeling a bit disconnected and distant from each other, we do something called, “10 Seconds.” It works like this: Whenever one of us says, “10 seconds,” no matter how inconvenient the timing, we drop anything we’re doing and simply stare deep into each other’s eyes without saying anything for the next 10 seconds. Whether you have kids or not, I think it’s amazing how we can become so distracted by life and how easy it is to go through the day without truly looking at the person who means the most to you in the world. This little exercise has honestly has been a game changer for us. Those 10 seconds have the power to reignite the spark and remind you how incredible that other person is.
Go ahead and try it! I think you’ll be pleasantly surprised how an intentional glance will act as a catalyst to continually prioritize your love.
As for Jake and I, the conversations are gearing up to a whole new level as we think about how twins will affect our relationship. We may be moving to 20 seconds come the end of March!
Go and passionately LOOK at your special someone this week! You can bet I’ll be looking at this handsome guy…he’s such a looker!
What simple things do you do to keep the spark going in your relationship?