This morning as my husband and I were departing ways for the day, I asked him, “Do you think this will ever get easier?”
It’s Monday morning and honestly? I feel the weight of the world on my shoulders. As I say that, I almost hate myself for it, because I know I’m so blessed. I have four healthy kids and a wonderful husband. I have a cozy house to spend time with them in, resources to take care of them, and the list goes on and on. If I was to jump back in time to when I was a little girl dreaming about my life, I can honestly say all my dreams have come true.
But yet, the weight is heavy.
This morning when I walked down the stairs, I saw every single countertop full of dirty dishes, We chose to spend time together as a family last night instead of cleaning, which was great while lasted, but now it’s staring me in the face. And I find myself feeling a little sorry for myself that my husband just gets to leave for work without giving it another thought. Weight.
There are toys on the floor, and also food under the table that the kids spilled. I need to sweep today, but really the floor needs a good scrubbing, which I KNOW I won’t get to anytime soon. Weight.
The kids wake up one by one, and there’s always one that’s in a funk, isn’t there? This morning she’s screaming because her legs are broken so she can’t walk down the stairs. She wants milk, but only the kind with the pink lid. And she has to go potty but she can’t go alone because again, her legs are broken, and she’s also scared. We get to the potty and she freaks out because she’s nervous her nighty is going to dip in the toilet water. We’re done on the potty, when I hear the other girl come down stairs. Weight.
“Hi Mommy! Can I watch your phone?” Oh yeah, that’s right. I bribed her to go to bed last night by telling her if she did she could watch my phone in the morning. It sounded like such a good idea at 9:00pm when it was way past her bedtime. Now I had to pay up. Weight.
Soon Baylen comes and finds me. “Mommy, will you play with me?” And my heart wants to. It really wants to. But we have to leave for school in about 25 minutes and I know there’s no way we’ll have time to squeeze it in. Mom guilt. I feel like I NEVER just get to play with my kids, because there’s just too many directions I’m always being pulled. Weight.
Just then, cries come from my little man’s room. Number four is up! He’s SOPPING wet, and we’re all out of diapers upstairs. I strip him down and pray to God he won’t pee on me while we run downstairs and get him a new diaper. Fail, he pees all over me. Weight.
I look at the clock. Twenty minutes until we need to leave for school. I run around like a chicken with my head cut off looking for four sets of clothes, socks, shoes, jackets, backpacks, lunch boxes, and folders. Thankfully, Jake’s home this morning and he can help me. Although we usually end up bickering in these situations because my stress level is so high. I end up being the wife I DON’T want to be. “WHERE ARE THE LIBRARY BOOKS?! Have you seen them?! Can you PLEASE find Case’s other shoe? I have no idea where it is. Oh, and can you find sippy cups? They all need milk. I CAN’T FIND THE STUFFED ANIMALS THEY NEED FOR REST TIME! Jake! I can’t do this! I’m a horrible mom. Will I EVER have my crap together?” And that’s when I say, “Will this EVER get easier?!”
Weight, weight, and more weight.
By the time we’re done getting them ready for the day, I feel like I’ve run a marathon and deserve a drink.
And I also feel a pit in my stomach. Because as hard as I try to set myself up for success, I rarely feel successful. It doesn’t matter how early I get up. It doesn’t matter how prepared I try to be the night before. In seconds everything can crumble beneath me.
After I dropped the kids off this morning (and finally had brain space to think clearly again), I had a light bulb moment.
This is LIFE. Life is hard.
We can try to make life easier on ourselves. We can have systems and routines and do our best. We can TRY to stay on top of the housework and treat our husbands with grace and respect. But sometimes? A LOT of times? We’re still gonna feel like we’re failing.
And when we reach that point when we FEEL like we’re failing, we need to look ourselves in the mirror and remember that it’s not true.
“I’m not a failure.”
YOU’RE not a failure.
Here’s the thing. We weren’t made to be perfect. We aren’t going to be perfect, so we need to get whatever idea of perfection we have out of our minds and stop letting it affect our hearts.
The awesome thing? We WERE made to be victorious.
The truth is, life is full of PRESSURE.
It’s just pressure. HANDLE it!
Handle it in the best way you can, and know that your best IS enough! And also know that every time pressure comes your way, you have the opportunity to handle it just a little better the next time!
Life is about progress, not perfection!
So WILL it ever get easier?
Honestly, I don’t think so. I don’t think any stage of life will ever feel like its all sunshine and roses.
But WE will get stronger! Every day, we’re becoming better versions of ourselves whether we feel like it that day or not!
Let’s go out and HANDLE our pressure today, momma friends!
We’ve got this!
I share many more “real life” mom moments on Facebook and Instagram. I’d love for you to follow along on our crazy, not perfect, incredible journey. Follow me on Instagram: (@mommysmetimeblog) and Facebook (Mommy’s Me Time).